How To: Eat Popcorn

Obviously, you know how to eat popcorn. Take a kernel, pop it in your mouth, chew, swallow. As long as you don't choke, you've pretty much got it figured out. 

As far as I'm concerned (and thanks to a little help from a friend last night) there are four ways to eat popcorn.

1. Open your mouth and dump the bag/bowl in. Pieces will fly, but your desire for popcorn will be fulfilled. 

2. Fistfuls at a time. Reach your hand in the bag/bowl, grab as many kernels as you can and try to shove it all in your mouth. The problem with this method is the occurrence of crotch corn. 

Yes, crotch corn. Don't act like you don't know what I'm talking about! ... When you are a little too aggressive with eating and the popcorn explodes and lands between your legs. And then there's just this piece of oily popcorn seeping into your jeans or the fabric of the seat you're sitting in. And it's all you can think about. Your focus is no longer on the movie or conversation, just on that piece of popcorn in your crotch. Wait... just me? Alright then, back at it.

3. A few pieces at a time, maybe two to four pieces. Just enough for a mouth full, but not enough to have the kernels explode out of your hand.

4. Eat popcorn piece by piece by piece. Unfortunately, this doesn't satiate your need very well - especially not when it is freshly popped full of salt and butter.

If you are on a date, with company that isn't your every day group, or with people you might want to use better manners with, options 3 and 4 are your best bet. Truth be told, my favorite method is 3. More than one at a time, but not enough to explode and create crotch corn. With that... go forth and pop!