Tiers of Friendship

So, who watches The Mindy Project? I happily fall into that category. But like every other show, I get into it and then watch it for a few weeks and then don't go near it for another month (I get distracted). But this past week Ms. Kaling brought up an interesting point:

Best Friend is not a person, it's a tier.

Acquaintances, Friends, Good Friends, Best Friends... Or maybe if you are a little bit younger/cooler than me it's like Randos, Your Posse, Homeslices, Best Bitches. (I don't know, kids these days...)

Okay, okay, hold on. If you are someone who has only one best friend and you have been best friends since you were five and you've never had another best friend, let me just say, you are incredibly lucky (or possibly delusional). Seriously though, if you are one of those rare few, that's really fantastic. The rest of us... not so much.

I think from time to time we have all felt the pressure that we need to have one best friend. It's like this golden status of superiority... that, frankly, I think is bullshit. 

Realistically, through out your life, you've probably moved when you were a kid or in high school, probably went away to college (or if you didn't go too far, I'm guessing a majority of your high school friends moved away), and then moved after college (and maybe a few times after that). This isn't even taking into account hobbies you've found along the way, significant others, maybe you got married, or even have a kid or two. I'm guessing, unless you hate people you probably made friends during these phases. Moreover, I'm going to assume that a few people became the proverbial "cream of the crop".

There is rarely just one that stands out above the rest. And that's because there are so many people with incredible qualities that bring so much to your life. That's really the best part. I may not be one of those girls with a BEST FRIEND, but I have a group of best friends who make my life better everyday. Best friends are like cookies. It's always a good idea to have more than one.

It's Been a While

So. It's January. I caught that too. Hrm. Sorry about that. I got a little busy living my life, rather than writing about how to make things easier/better/prettier/whatever. My writing team now includes two little boys named Mocha and Lewis... Who happen to be a dachshund and a tiger stripped teenage kitty, respectively. Oh yes. And a Viking.

From a life of a single, mildly care free (I can pretend), pet free gal to a pet crazed, official girlfriend of a live in Viking can get pretty hectic (though I really can't imagine how moms with like 87 kids do it), I'm having a ball.

So, yeah, it's been a while. In the honeymoon haze of my life for the past months, I feel like I've lost touch with some of my very best friends. Some is probably a natural growing apart, as life takes us in unexpected or at least different directions. Kids, pets, new jobs, boyfriends, girlfriends, moving, husbands, wives, life changes - it happens. For me, it is really important to continue these friendships as much as possible. Whether I haven't seen you in 5 years or 5 days, I am always happy to chat with an old friend. So, with a grand gesture - here is my old friend and yours, "the handy tips".

- Send a card! Mailing anything is so rare these days that it's a pretty special occasion when you get something in the mail. Even if it's a little note saying "I miss you."
- Visit them at work. If your friend works in an environment where visitors are okay, stop in! Just make sure to not stay too long, incase they have a tough boss.
- The phone works both ways. Instead of waiting on your friend to call you, call them. Or even send a text message if that's easier.
- Visit!! Some of my very best friends live thousands of miles away. I'm always happy to hop on a plane and go for a long weekend. Even if it's just to the other side of the state, a weekend together will always be fun and appreciated.
- Most importantly, make plans and keep them!!! Rather than saying let's get together and never seeing each other, pull up your calendar and see what works.

These seem obvious, right? Reconnecting with old friends... The hardest part is the first step. It's always a little weird at first, but I promise, they'll be happy you did. And so will you. Now... Who wants a weekend visitor???

Maxi Dresses: No Longer a foe

This spring, I finally gave into the maxi dress. Though I'm not a short person, I am by no means tall. As we know, from the rules of fashion: a solid color with no discernible shape can make you look short. Thanks dress, but I don't need any help with that.

Naturally, I have always leaned towards minis, because not only do short hemlines give the appearance of longer legs (thus making you seem taller), I also live in Florida. And it gets super hot here. But there comes a time in one's life when you need to start considering the appropriateness of your hem lengths. If you aren't at the height of your fitness or if you're over the age of 23, you might want to consider a mid length short or a dress that hits just above the knee.

But maxis are the focus here. How do you wear a maxi!? If you're over 5'7, don't even worry. Maxis are meant for you and look great.  For the rest of us who aren't build like super models, here are a few things to keep in mind:

- If you're petite, don't opt for an overly large pattern. They can overwhelm your body and make the dress look like it got hungry and ate you as a snack. 

- If you're busty, try not to go strapless - the ladies need support. 

- Alternatively, if you aren't as well endowed, feel free to look for ruffles or sweetheart necklines. 

- Consider your body type, what necklines work best on you? What about pencil, A-line, or full skirts? Same goes for your dresses, right? The rules still apply with a maxi. 

- Structure is key. Maxis are generally thought of as flowing summer dresses. So, look for ruching, darts, pleats, or my personal favorite anything you can belt.

If all else fails: buy a solid color, wear it with tall wedges and a few layered necklaces. Boho chic is here to stay.

Righty Runny, Lefty Lumpy

Some of you know what I'm getting into... And some of you don't. That's just fine because this a handy tip, just for you. 

When you're at restaurant and your table feels small and very crowded, and for some reason you can't figure out which water glass is yours or where your plate needs to sit, there is an easy solution. Thanks to one of my charming college roommates, I learned the easiest way to remember the solution to this predicament. Righty runny, lefty lumpy. Your drinks go on your right and your bread plate goes on your left. 

Easy as that. As long as everyone in your party remembers, there will be room for every plate on even the smallest tables!

High School Is Over.

A few weeks ago, while ignoring my DVR and trolling the interwebz (you know you do it too) I stumbled across a picture of a bunch of women, in what looked to be a glamor shot of sorts. The caption read "my friends are prettier than your friends".

Wow.

Okay, I will admit, your friends are all extremely pretty and the picture taken was lovely. I could only hope to take a picture near that nice (but alas, photogenic was not one of the traits I was awarded when they were being handed out.)

The caption is what got me. First, if you want to convey the message that your friends are beautiful, say that. There is no need to make someone feel bad to make yourself feel better. Second, however proud you are of your friends and how they may look, a little humility will win you a lot more points in the long run. Third, I'm fairly certain life isn't one big popularity contest, showing accolades in your yearbook. If that's what it's about, I suggest you take a wee moment for self reflection.

Your friends should be thought of as beautiful because of the people they are (Granted the more you know someone, the more good you see in them, the more beautiful they become to you). Kind, giving, caring, selfless... The kind of beauty that shines through even the darkest of days.

When you have appreciation for your life and can see the true beauty, you don't have to brag about how "pretty" your friends are, what a great car you have, how much money you make, etc. Your insecurity is showing, and it's not winning gaining you any points.

Good Etiquette

Etiquette is about making other people comfortable. It's not about you being prim and proper... But in a way it is, if being proper makes others comfortable, then, quite obviously that would be good etiquette.

Take a moment for reflection, what can you do to make someone's day a little easier? How can you make help have an easier day? ... That is true etiquette.

Lady Laws

Bro code, man cards... I get it. Be good to your fellow man, etc etc. I think it's high time we discuss the rules of being a girlfriend. They say men are competitive with sports... Women are competitive with EVERYTHING else. Who has the cutest shoes, who is dating the best guy, whose job is better, who gave to what charity. The list goes on and on. Some are material things and some are internal, all are judged.

Here's the thing, you can get so wrapped up in it, it can make your head spin or you can just refuse the game. I'm a proponent for doing what makes you happy. If you love your three year old shoes, wear them. If you want to give 5% of your salary to planned parenthood, I'm pleased to know you. Any way you look at it, girls need to stick together - especially you good girlfriends.

Here, by no means complete, are some of the most important Lady Laws.

In regards to style, you must:

- Notice different hair styles/colors.

- Compliment something if you legitimately like it.

- Tell someone if she has spinach in her teeth.

- Not copy everything a girlfriend wears, even if you love her style.

- Tell your girlfriend if an event/party you are going to has a specific dress code.

- Be honest when shopping together.

- Loan hair elastics and bobby pins if you have them to spare.

In regards to life decisions, you must:

- Not judge if called for a ride to or from somewhere.

- Keep your mouth shut if you don't like someone's significant other, unless asked.

- Open your mouth immediately if you think someone is making the wrong life long decision.

- Not "kill the messenger" if a girlfriend is honest with you.

- Be supportive in every way you can.

In regards to relationships, you must:

- Not disappear when you date a new person.

- Be accepting of the friend that disappeared when dating someone new.

- Make an effort to involve single and coupled friends.

- Understand that sometimes relationship/family activities have to take precedent. 

 

In regards to heartache, you must:

- Be supportive through heartache - involving, but not limited to, ice cream, wine, and lots of chocolate.

- Understand that sometimes a 2am phone call needs to happen.

- Tell your girlfriend when her self pity has started to effect her other relationships.

- Tell her when you ran into an Ex.

In regards to ex partners, you must:

- Tell her when you ran into an Ex.

- You must curse Ex's name if she needs to hear it.

- Under no circumstances, have relations of a sexual nature with an Ex, unless it was an insignificant relationship, a number of years (5 +), AND you have gained honest approval. And understand other girlfriends still reserve the right to place judgement. Basically, don't do it. 

It basically comes down to being a good person to one another... and going to the bathroom together in groups. Obviously.